The conspiracy files

Does Vladimir Putin Have Alien Advisers?

Simon Parkes, a Labour party councilor from Whitby, North Yorkshire, has claimed that Vladimir Putin was advised during the Ukraine crisis by a group of aliens known as the Nordics. Prior to this agreement with the Scandinavian-looking extraterrestrials, he was being advised by a reptilian species of aliens called Dracos but changed sides because the Nordics offered a better deal, namely access to technology that would allow Russia to be on par with the United States.

Secret Russian space weapons

Vladimir Putin of masterminding the 'hijacking' of Malaysian Air Flight MH370,

The Russians are building space warfare capabilities based on reverse-engineered Nordic tech. The Nordics want to shore Russia up in order to oppose the Dracos, who control the United States, the bankers of London, and the international Zionist conspiracy, using death powers and ancient Babylonian money magic.

The Nordics oppose the Dracos’ plan of wiping out humanity in a horrible fashion in order to feed off of the negative energy of our suffering and were particularly offended when the Dracos used Nelson Mandela’s funeral as a cover for the coronation of their evil leader, Marduk, as King of Africa. Parkes is somewhat of an alien fanatic who claims he is part-alien, that he lost his virginity to an alien at the age of five, and that his wife is annoyed by his continued affair with an extraterrestrial.

To be fair, suspicions about the Russians having dealings with aliens aren’t helped by Dmitry Medvedev making jokes about Putin having a secret file on alien activity on Earth. The fact he also reserved judgment on the existence of Santa Claus should have shown he was just joking.